And we're back!

Nearly a decade after we first started, with occasional glimpses in between. I will not go through the process of describing what has transpired in the moments that I've been missing.

I left behind glimpses of it (well, not really, except my mildly depressing, confusing and needy poems). But my hope is the changes that have transpired are reflected in what I say and how I say it.

For now, here's to coming back (to this virtual) home :)

And in the spirit of setting intention. Here's where I'm hoping it goes while not setting any real boundaries or commitments (as always).

1) Act as a virtual journal and helps chronicle my journey
2) Something that stays deeply personal/vulnerable
3) Helps me keep track of my observations, ruminations, and reflections - which are ultimately the things that make me who I am.

Things currently on top of my head - an impending wedding and marriage, a much needed promotion and general reflections on long term career bets for the next decade, a quest to finding more clarity in thought and expression, and restoring and maintaining well-being (physical and emotional)

Void

Rush in, fill up
Take space, make room
Move fast, tic toc
Or slow, in groove

Saturated, to the brim
Give up, give in
For better, for worse
Practice, rehearse

Then stop, detract
Detach, step back
Leave, goodbye
Stay, say hi

Exit, detour
Make space, remove
Cherish, embrace
Let's start anew 

What do you do when there is no one blame?

It's easy when its a zero-sum game
There's a winner and a loser
A prize waiting to be claimed.

One's gain is another's loss
As both stare up at the sky
And wait for the landing of the coin toss

It's simple when there is someone to shame
A victor and a victim
With or without a name

But what happens when there are no winners
There are no losers and the game just is
How does the mind comprehend such a deal
Where the game ends and there's no one to blame?

The final thread.

                           


When a rope needs to be broken, each thread, each tie has to be severed bit by bit. I am sure it takes no time to break them compared how long it must have taken to put them together, but the process must be slow if done manually

There is something fascinating about that final thread that holds the two pieces together.

How would it feel to be at that point of severing the final link that binds the two pieces together? I wonder if that's the easiest or hardest to break. Does one feel like getting past it in a hurry, having gone through the excruciating process of breaking breaking of the endless threads before that, which was anyway much harder (since there were multiple threads in action then). Or does one pause, and take a moment. Perhaps to reconsider what they're doing, or maybe just give the rope one final glance, as one whole, as one entity.

In the end, what's broken is broken. The rope pieces may now be apart, but can they ever be fully independent of each other? Irrespective of whether they realize it or not, whether each piece gets tied to something else or not, whether they become a part of something much grander - which I am sure they will - or lie as a useless by product of a well functioning rope.

My belief is that the thread that makes them what they are, still binds them - both pieces have the same thread. Each part (I hope) has an irreplaceable trace of the other. And that point of breakage, well that I believe would never leave its mark. It will always bring back memories of being one entity and also that of the breaking point, being held together by, and finally breaking off, that final thread.

Nostalgia is like salt on the wounds of a broken heart..

..forgive the melodrama. That is just me.

Goodbye.

To people. To this year. To a troubled state of mind.

For good. Goodbye.

The end

If tomorrow would be the last day,
I would write you a long letter
I'd come all the way to drop it,
and give you a long drawn hug,
I would let you know, with all my heart,
that you are, and will be my drug
I'll take a sniff off your hair, breathe it all in,
I would give my life, and all I have
For a repeat, a restart, to re-begin
But I give up now, and suspend all hope
I failed to be the one, the biggest failure of all
Now there is no right for remorse.