Saturday, November 27, 2010

Facts and Observations

This is going to be a string of random observations from everyday life:

1. The weather in Delhi these days is awesome - its just the onset of winters, the kind of cold that doesn't kill you but does make room for light winter clothing and food. Although, the excited lot is already out with clothes that make me feel like its snowing.

2. Driving - although an environmentally damaging thing to do - is a good stress buster(in the absence of traffic of course). It really makes you feel in control of things even though its momenatary.

3. Disillusionment with Facebook is growing day after day - why am I friends with so many people who don't care if I exist and vice verse. What’s the point? Especially after watching 'The Social Network', the narcissism of it all(and occasionally I'm a part of it too)just hits me more.

4. Exams have been postponed! Though I have mixed feelings towards this occurrence, since I can't change it I'd like to think of the good part only - not having to study right now.

5. I have observed that my posts have been too depressing lately. I think its got to do with the fact that when I'm slightly sad, writing emotions tend to peak. But, I'm not all that gloomy all the times - one may worry about the future, but should anyway enjoy the ride to it!

6. I love my friends. A cynic, a shopaholic, an insomniac, a baby and a revolutionary/college mom - some of my closest friends in college are just so very different; I believe that they make me a smarter/better person. (Also valid for some of my other friends, but more on that later)

7. I have been among a lot of women over the past three years and witnessed them living quite peacefully all this while. It was slightly surprising, but right now as I see them gathering all their energy and gearing up for a good old fashioned cat fight I get a feeling of comfort - the world hasn't changed. I'm sure a lot of them wouldn't mind killing the other, in a war of words of course. If and when that happens, there will be a lot to write about.


Okay, so that's it. I'm done and have managed to pull up the number of posts in November to three, so congratulations to me.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Underground

I usually like to be the one who is thankful for whatever he/she has and does not crib about what he/she doesn't get. Today, just isn't one of those days. Important part of the whole situation however is - how to deal with such times.

So the feeling/situation at hand: That of mediocrity, of being average, of not living up to expectations; some internal and some external, of failing repeatedly, of trying incessantly and feeling the lack of reward, of being alone, of not being loved, of not loving enough, of not working hard enough, of being an under performer, of regrets, of contemplating goals not reached and tasks not done, of disappointment, of hopelessness, of defeat.

Sometimes one just feels tired of the race, of the competition, of being the way the world wants you to be, of not being accepted the way you are, of believing that you are special but finding out that maybe you aren't.

But then again, we can't make our own parallel world and live in it, now can we. Darwin rules, it is the survival of the fittest. You have no option but to suck it up and be the spider that does not stop trying even though sometimes it seems futile. I like to believe I'm not the only one. I also like to believe that there is a place in this world which is for me and which I will hopefully find, soon. But until then, the best I can do is vent my blues here and move on.

So this one is for everybody who feels meaninglessly low for stupid things which seem like the end of the world, but you know what, they really aren't.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Unnecessary Justification

Dear blog,

You do not satisfy most criteria of a good blog - you aren't popular, are seldom read (so far, by three people, I guess), you are theme-less, you do not provide this world with any new/enlightening information, you aren't attractive looking and you aren't being written by a celebrity(yet!). All in all, there is no particularly significant way that you are significant.

But, I love you. You have given someone like me who won't otherwise have the opportunity to write on any portal(in an organized, somewhat purposeful manner), the place to write, the confidence to express my thoughts and hopefully improve(gradually, of course)my deplorable writing skills. Even if you serve some good to one person(that person being myself), I am satisfied. I know I could well have done this in a journal or a notepad file, but the very fact that you're open to public access - irrespective of whether someone reads you or not - gives me some sort of a psychological kick towards trying to write properly/coherently and giving my best - within my capacity, of course.

So even though there is close to zero traffic here, you're still important. Maybe my kids will read you one day, if this world and the internet/technology survive. Knowing my lazy self, you're probably be the only preserve of 20 year old me, so maybe my old self will feel happy reading you too. And maybe, eventually you do start making some sense to someone in this world.

Till then, with the enormous amount of junk on the internet today, I don't think you fare that bad. Too much self admiration - maybe, but who the hell is reading anyway:)