A word of caution - this post is just a big rant of my insignificant troubles in life. Since this blog is of no other major value other than for me to write about things that come to my mind (and one's that just cannot be shared with people) - I take the luxury to use it for precisely that.
There are many things I'd like to write about, many that remain unsaid and need to be told (for no better reason than to rid my mind of those things). All the cliches you'd ever hear - about time passing by too fast, too many changes happening way too quickly and people being overwhelmed by them - stand valid for me at this point of time. Maybe I am subconsciously becoming a fatalist at some level or have become too comfortable with cribbing and over questioning things and not finding most of the answers.
Quite a hell load of self pitying you'd think. Don't get me wrong (I also think I may have this compulsive habit of being defensive time and again), I know my troubles in life stand no where compared to the miseries of the rest of the world, that I'm not the first and definitely not the last to be torturing (pardon the usage of such extreme adjectives) myself by over thinking and that self loathing and cribbing/complaining bring absolutely no good to anyone; one must really learn to appreciate and enjoy the simpler/smaller things - absolute happiness is over rated and mostly a means of the world (bollywood movies, childhood stories and parents) to perpetuate making peace with being miserable everyday and hoping that the light at the end of the tunnel will be worth all of it. What a joyful view of the world I have, right.
Probably like a lot of other people in the world I know as to (at most times) why I'm unhappy sometimes, I know I shouldn't be, I know the cure for that lies within but still unrealistically expect a fairy god mother (childhood stories I tell you) to use some magic wand to fix everything. I am well aware of reality, maybe I'm way too conscious of it sometimes but at some level I'm in denial - of the fact that there really is no fairy god mother, there really is nobody one can fall back on, that you cannot expect someone to be wholeheartedly interested in your life, that one shouldn't be so in need of an external agency to push you all the time, that things don't work out fine in the end all the time.
Yes, there is too much negativity in my mind. There is also fear - sudden and unrecognizable - of the present, of the future, of the people around me, of what I'm doing and where I'm headed, of failure, of loneliness, of growing distant from things/people that matter, of speaking my mind, of sharing what I feel with certain people who really need to know, of not living up to someone's hope's and expectations, of being trapped in this cycle of laziness and hopelessness.
Ok. That's all.
Next post - ideally should be one that intends to pep up and inspire my self. And as a suggestion to those who share the vibe (and I hope you don't) - asking for help and writing it all down both are extremely effective, listening to Floyd and Coldplay are most certainly not.
--
Laziness bars me from proof reading it again. So turn a blind eye to the typos please :)
There are many things I'd like to write about, many that remain unsaid and need to be told (for no better reason than to rid my mind of those things). All the cliches you'd ever hear - about time passing by too fast, too many changes happening way too quickly and people being overwhelmed by them - stand valid for me at this point of time. Maybe I am subconsciously becoming a fatalist at some level or have become too comfortable with cribbing and over questioning things and not finding most of the answers.
Quite a hell load of self pitying you'd think. Don't get me wrong (I also think I may have this compulsive habit of being defensive time and again), I know my troubles in life stand no where compared to the miseries of the rest of the world, that I'm not the first and definitely not the last to be torturing (pardon the usage of such extreme adjectives) myself by over thinking and that self loathing and cribbing/complaining bring absolutely no good to anyone; one must really learn to appreciate and enjoy the simpler/smaller things - absolute happiness is over rated and mostly a means of the world (bollywood movies, childhood stories and parents) to perpetuate making peace with being miserable everyday and hoping that the light at the end of the tunnel will be worth all of it. What a joyful view of the world I have, right.
Probably like a lot of other people in the world I know as to (at most times) why I'm unhappy sometimes, I know I shouldn't be, I know the cure for that lies within but still unrealistically expect a fairy god mother (childhood stories I tell you) to use some magic wand to fix everything. I am well aware of reality, maybe I'm way too conscious of it sometimes but at some level I'm in denial - of the fact that there really is no fairy god mother, there really is nobody one can fall back on, that you cannot expect someone to be wholeheartedly interested in your life, that one shouldn't be so in need of an external agency to push you all the time, that things don't work out fine in the end all the time.
Yes, there is too much negativity in my mind. There is also fear - sudden and unrecognizable - of the present, of the future, of the people around me, of what I'm doing and where I'm headed, of failure, of loneliness, of growing distant from things/people that matter, of speaking my mind, of sharing what I feel with certain people who really need to know, of not living up to someone's hope's and expectations, of being trapped in this cycle of laziness and hopelessness.
Ok. That's all.
Next post - ideally should be one that intends to pep up and inspire my self. And as a suggestion to those who share the vibe (and I hope you don't) - asking for help and writing it all down both are extremely effective, listening to Floyd and Coldplay are most certainly not.
--
Laziness bars me from proof reading it again. So turn a blind eye to the typos please :)
