Wanting

There is this delicate balance of contentment and want that you need to tread to happily keep going. More often than not, the balance slips and causes discomfort, anxiety and annoyance - with the world, with yourself. Point is the balance isn't even something we are proactively chasing. We are chasing our wants mostly, contentment just strikes as this moment of epiphany once in a while (the epiphany is retained each time that happens).

Is it insecurity or is it fierce ambition? Is it complacency or satisfaction? Is it slumber or indifference? Is it who you are or is it what you do? And aren't most of those A's and B's in the A or B? above just two sides of the same coin. In which case, is this really happening or is this me mistaking it for something it isn't.

Pardon (non existent readers) for the over abstractness of the above. Hopefully you are just like me and get it. Perplexing, isn't it? This song makes for a near perfect representation of thoughts at this point.

House of Cards

On many a days, these nimble hands got the idea of creating something big and tangible with a pack of cards. These had to be adequately new (enough to stand their might) and worn out (to have the friction with the ground to not slip). They taught the importance of right timing (the tipping point between being new and worn out for the cards) that goes into the beginning of building something or creating something from scratch. Something that has the ability to hold fort for long. It also reiterated the basics of care, concentration, patience and vision that was needed to keep adding layer upon layer. The vulnerability of the whole exercise along with your own happiness that came with it was known from the very first instance - a stroke of wind, the blow of an evil cousin/friend is all it would take. All you could do was sulk over poor luck (in case someone accidentally turned the fan on) or the apathy of those around us (namely those evil brats that would kick it over).

Why was there such joy around in creating something so vulnerable and fragile? Especially because one started off completely aware of its impermanence from the very start. Why not invest time in something more valuable and concrete (even if it did hone valuable traits such as focus and patience)? Is there some adrenalin rush that accompanies creating something that is known to be open for anyone to casually destroy and seeing it stand the test of time? Or is there some emotion within the nervousness and excitement that no other situation could create. I don't still quite understand. I fail to understand this chase to keep on creating a house of cards that is waiting to be crashed.