Retrospect

This one lay as a draft for way too long in my account. A friend's blogpost triggered me to finally get over the inertia and get it out

It's just one of those days when you feel like taking stock of all that has happened. For me, what triggered it was just a particular day that made me think of a year back and how things had turned around since then. I was rendered feeling disconcerted for a bit - as I seem to overemphasize the not so good occurrences. But then one's mood swings up and down - I figured that just as I am prompted to rant out the negativity, once in a while I should vent out this feeling of calm, albeit a fleeting one that comes over. 

Getting out of one's comfort zone is both an enjoyable as well as unnerving experience; the course and outcome of events that follow really determine the way you look back at time gone by. Some of us like to dwell in constant regret, others like to make the most of what comes their way, some just like going with the flow while some just like being in a fighter mode and just turn things around with the advent of a new phase. Well, changes are necessary and unavoidable - I wouldn't say I'd do away with the unpredictability of changes that ensue in one's life but often I am left with the feeling of having some control. No I haven't witnessed enough to be making such profound sounding statements, but I believe each of us have our own philosophers inside us - this is just mine coming to life.

I am reminded of people lost, and unfortunately there have been quite a few, of reassurance that being loved makes you feel, of the faith that things do have a way of falling in place eventually, of the fact that 'in place' itself needs to be rightly defined. People have bad/low/unproductive phases in life - one should be (and this is more for my future self) open to being patient and helping them out as much as possible, yes some things are just out of your hand..but things are meant to be that way.

All said and done - change happens and I'd like to take a fatalist stand at this point of time, just to absorb and soak all that I have learnt over the past (almost close to a) year. I have made many mistakes, faced some bad luck here and there - but also found and known things that are hopefully there to stay for a long long time to come. A lot of these are reflections about self and a lot are simple things that luck/chance/fate/probabilities seem to have brought in, some are fleeting thoughts of things that must not be felt - envy, self hate, inferiority, insecurity and utter lack of belief and enthusiasm; some are just around the pure, unadulterated high that being in love brings.

Maybe I am coming to conclusions too soon  - but it seems like some things, mindsets, attitudes, opinions have undergone a fundamental change. Nothing commensurate has happened to trigger this change and there are chances it might just be an aberration, who knows. As time goes by however, and you meet more and more people - grow closer, grow apart - you just eventually realize that unless you can love, console, appreciate and ground yourself - there is little hope.