Dependence

There is a very thin line between support and dependence; here I speak entirely in a people's context (to be taken with a pinch of salt since I usually make generalizations and state opinions based on excessively limited data points - mostly my own). There is the feeling of tremendous safety and comfort one gets in trusting someone and having someone to lean on. As kids, teenagers, young adults some of us continue to be in the protective bubble that parents tend to create - not even realizing it was there until it's gone - and finally it comes as epiphany when you are stranded alone fending for yourself. And here fending is open to multiple interpretations.

Such a feeling is quite unnerving yet there is some element of liberation to it. I think it comes to different people in different ways, as the exhilarating rush of independence or maybe the strength that accompanies facing something brutal alone (again pardon the use of extreme words - it's all I know) or the fear that ensues having landed in shit that must be faced without guidance or support. Whatever be the route - I am gradually beginning to realize that it is one of the most important things to happen to any person in the process of 'growing up' and trying to survive and lead a seemingly purposeful/ useful existence. I don't believe that 'growing up' happens in a phase or at an age, I think it is supposed to (and usually does) go on forever..only a few of us are able to accept and appreciate that more easily, I don't know whether I'll be able to but it is reassuring to make such supposedly meaningful statements sometimes.

There is this conflict in being close to people, you end up making an unconscious transition from treating them as your support system to leaning on them completely and sometimes letting go of the rest in the process - for good or for a while depend. Either way it spells disaster, or would spell disaster soon enough. People usually have this unsaid capacity of being able to listen to only a limited amount of other people's woes (unless they are being paid by the hour for it, read: therapists), which is a good thing actually as it prevents one from endlessly wallowing and keeping hold of oneself. But at the same time it prevents you from experiencing what some of us envisage to be an all consuming relationship with some one (a friend, a teacher, a parent or a pet) where you lay yourself like an absolutely open book and are accepted for precisely that. 

I don't know if I've managed to get the vague point I was trying to make here come across but frankly as long as it helps me understand it better, it does serve some purpose. Not everything anyway in this world is supposed to serve a purpose. With this I shall try to slow down the defensive person in me a little bit. I only manage to write about things which are more often than not blurred in my own mind. I suggest to anyone who resonates with that line of thought to write it out - it is likely to be a guilt free, almost risk free way of finding support within and trying to depend only on yourself.