Self Destruction

Is when you make the conscious choice of not being worthy of what you have and giving it up. No, it isn't the kind of a task you'd envisage a person en route to becoming a monk doing. It's a selfish task, a purposeless task, a hurtful task - one that you'd undertake for the good of no person on the face of this planet. But something in you would constantly make you do that. Yes, there would be an opposing force as well, an anchor trying to get you back to your senses, people who try and show how you mean so much to them. But it is all, alas, of no help. The thing about people (most likely including myself) is that they cannot tolerate people who are unhappy and who try to gloat in self inflicted misery too much. I personally believe that's a good thing overall - keeps people pushing harder to keep their ground and maintain mental stability in a world where running to achieve this mysterious thing called success and being selfish are almost second nature. I am not belittling the good things that are there on offer but just that some of us do not have the ability to retain them if a part of us is fighting everyday to keep going. There is this reminder that this is momentary - tough times end and then you'll regret having let go off the good things/people. But while in the middle of the mess it is difficult to make yourself understand that.

Anyway, I will not elaborate much - most people hopefully wont relate to it. Just an occasion when thinking out loud was necessary. The outcome or the end situation that this yields is yet to be seen - it would be interesting to look back however on how you made it all fall apart bit by bit - for no apparent reason and no useful cause.